November 10, 2010
It’s Always Great in the Beginning
A few years ago I met this guy online who I was completely taken with from the very beginning. Under normal circumstances he and I would never have met, he was out of my age range and had a daughter just starting college, but he responded to my ad and I liked him right away. He was easy-going, gregarious, and friendly, I knew we would hit it off.
First Date Chemistry
We were eager to meet each other so we had our first date a few days later. He was exactly who I thought he’d be, the same personality he communicated in his e-mails and on the phone was the same in the form of the man standing in front of me. We had great chemistry from that initial awkward hello at the beginning of a first date until the last moment. We strolled around the city for a couple of hours talking and getting to know each other and finally settled on a quaint Italian restaurant on the East Side. We shared a bottle of wine and talked, laughed and shared heartaches well into the morning. He made breakfast and we chatted some more over eggs and orange juice, he did not want me to leave. In fact his daughter was due to arrive in a couple of hours and he wanted me to meet her, but I declined and went on my way.
So he didn’t call back
By the time I got home he had already e-mailed me, so I was really looking forward to the second date. I sent him a reply, but something odd happened, our chemistry and fire went cold. He never responded to the e-mail I sent. I called him a few days later but he didn’t return my call. I left him alone after that but I was angry, hurt and reeling on the inside. I knew we both felt the chemistry between us, so this was a bit more complicated than “he just wasn’t that into me”, but nevertheless he had completely disappeared. I never understood why he did what he did, so I did my best to move on and let it go.
Fast forward almost two years later; he e-mailed me not long after the painful break-up of my long-term relationship, so you can Imagine my surprise when I saw his name pop up in my inbox. I was torn between wanting to curse him out for walking away with no explanation and wanting to see him again. So I asked him why he disappeared on me and his response was “I was seriously unprepared for an adult relationship with you”. Now whether or not what he said was actually true was totally inconsequential, what was important to me was the fact that him not calling me back was about him and not me. I saw him a few times after that, but nothing ever materialized but it was ok, I was able to walk away with a peace of mind and more importantly, closure.
Closure, Closure, Closure
I believe one of the main reasons why so many women hold on to men and relationships past is because they never had any closure. If you feel an honest connection with a man and he tells you he’s going to call you, what possible reason would you have to believe otherwise? This is yet another example of men behaving badly and then blaming the woman for being upset. I don’t care how long you’ve been dating someone, if you’re not interested or if he’s not interested in you he should tell you to your face, and I don’t blame you for pushing him for a reason. So many men are lazy these days, they are often allowed to make a mess in a woman’s life without cleaning it up and we excuse the behavior and fault ourselves for wanting a reason.
If you leave a date and you’re not sure if there was chemistry or a connection made and he doesn’t say that he’ll call, I would assume he won’t call. But If a man doesn’t call you back when he says he will, by all means inquire. It doesn’t mean he’ll be a man of integrity and tell you the truth, but it’s worth the effort to find out.
Leave a comment and let me hear your thoughts.