Working on Yourself Doesn’t Mean You’ll Find Love

October 12, 2012

Join me live on Wednesday, October 17th and get ready for love

Delicious Dating 101: Get Ready for Love is next week and I can’t wait.!

We will spend the evening learning the keys to dating and how to fill your own heart’s cup so that you can have relationships and interact with men from a place of wholeness, instead of anxiety, lack, frustration and desperation.

So if you’re in the NYC area, I would love to meet you in the real world and share some amazing information with you that’s going to revolutionize the way you date and prepare for love. Just click on the Eventbrite link for more details.

I hope to see you there.

Working on Yourself Doesn’t Mean You’ll Find Love

Don’t you love reading those love stories of women who stopped doing something incredibly self-destructive or who gave up worry or whatever then their prince charming showed up? Or they went to some fabulous yoga retreat, released all their fears then met Mr. Right?

I think working on yourself is a good thing to do, no matter who you are, but doing said work does NOT mean you’re going to find a mate. If that were the case, that would mean the opposite would have to be true, all relatively happy and sane couples “worked” on themselves BEFORE they got married, which is not true. I know a lot of married people who need therapy, but they’re happy with their partners.

As a dating coach, I’ve worked with a lot of women, some of them have met the right guy and some of them haven’t. I’ve also spent years observing married and single women, just out of curiosity. And the main difference I see is that those who are married tend to be more open, willing to trust, a willingness to feel pain and quickly work through their feelings. They’re also more willing to move on to the next guy a lot faster if the current one isn’t working out, because they believe that strongly in their own desire for love.

I’ve spent the better part of 10 years “working on myself” and here’s what I finally figured out: “the work” does not come with a promise of a picturesque, happy future. The only thing it does, if you’re doing it right, is to make you more present. It wakes you up to your own life experience so that you can live it more fully. Most of us walk through life numb and disconnected and we find ourselves either living in the past or future. Doing “the work” puts you squarely in the present moment and keeps you there.

So work on yourself because it’s going to make you a better woman and long-term partner. But take it a step further and focus on being flirty, observant, more open and willing to trust to meet a man.

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