December 20, 2013
I decided almost 10 years ago, that no matter where I travel around the world, no matter where I live or what I’m doing, I want to spend Christmas with my family. This decision came about after spending a Christmas on a beautiful beach with a friend and missing my family terribly. I only see them once or twice a year, and Christmas is one of those times that I want to be physically close to those who mean the most to me.
I’ve spent many holidays as a single woman, my feelings and emotions running the gamut from disappointment, jealousy and just plain old sadness to happiness and deep gratitude. I used to obsessively watch the families at the airport, as I waited to board my flight back to my hometown. Watching the newlyweds, recently engaged couples, and the frantic parents with small children try to figure out how they were going to prevent their 2-year old from having a meltdown on the plane.
I’ve often gotten caught up in the awkwardness of being the 30-something single woman with no children, watching friends and younger relatives get married and have babies, all of which I’ve been told is the next logical step in life. And although I’ve created some healthy boundaries, that does not prevent “concerned” relatives and friends from asking me the “so when are you going to meet someone?” question.
But this year feels different to me. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in 2013, and many of the people I know and love have experienced sickness, health complications or the death of a loved one, and it’s forced me to not only think about my own mortality but the importance and significance of this moment.
I don’t know when I’ll get married or if having a baby will start feeling like a biological imperative, but I do know that this is my life right now and I accept it. It is hectic, fun, imperfect, and even sometimes lonely, but it’s mine. For better or worse, this is the life I’ve co-created and I’m going to live it. It doesn’t mean there aren’t things I want to change or improve, but this is my life today. And when I meet my guy, he’ll be entering a life filled with love and gratitude.
How do you handle being single for the holidays? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.