January 10, 2014
Last night I had a really great conversation with someone about men, and it reminded me of something very important: when it comes to dating and relationships, men don’t know what they’re doing either. So don’t feel bad if you think you need an instruction manual when it comes to love.
As women, we are led to believe that the other person has it all figured out. But men being able to have relationships on their terms gets confused with believing they know exactly what to do. In our media, Instagram-obsessed culture, you are also led to believe that all men fall into 1 of 3 categories: 1) wealthy, powerful, attractive and completely out of reach 2) straight up dogs or 3) totally beneath you. But the reality is most men fall somewhere in the middle: good, hard-working men looking for somebody to love.
When it comes to men and how they treat the women in their lives, people often stress “men will only do what you allow them to”. And while I agree with this notion to some degree, the implication is that a man won’t do right by you out of his own integrity, he must be given rules and guidelines like a dog or disobedient child. I’m not telling you not to have boundaries, but I wouldn’t want a man in my life whose moral compass is based on my actions.
So my point is this: don’t assume that he knows what he’s doing or that his actions are well-crafted and thought out; most of the time he’s just winging it and figuring it out as he goes. Everyone wants to be loved, and men become a lot less scary and intimidating when you remember that at the core, they ultimately want the same thing you want, even if they go about it differently.
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