Can You Find Love if There’s Something Wrong with You?

January 24, 2014

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If you’ve ever felt like there’s something wrong with you, and that’s why you can’t find love, you’re half right.

I read a really great article this week about a recently married couple that met in a homeless shelter. After reading it, I immediately thought about all of the advice single women are given about needing to “get themselves together” and “work on themselves” before they can meet the right man.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Look, I don’t know who started this whole thing about women needing to be perfect to find love, but knock it off!

If you want to know the truth, there’s probably something wrong with you. But the good news is, there’s also something wrong with any man you’re interested in dating.

And guess what?

In the midst of your messy, imperfect life, love can still happen. Because that’s life, and if you ever become perfect or get it all together, you better start looking for the grim reaper to appear, because my guess is your time on earth will be drawing to a close. Life is all about learning lessons, and we never stop learning and we never stop growing, so there’s no reason to think that your circumstances need to be perfect or just right before you can find love.

There’s so much propaganda about dating and relationships, and everybody and anybody with an engagement or wedding ring, feels like they preach the only gospel truth about love and what it takes to get it. When in reality, it’s just the truth of their personal experience. And we tend to put people on a pedestal when they have something that we want or something we believe is hard to come by, whether it’s a relationship, weight loss or a great career.

I’ve written before about how working on yourself doesn’t necessarily lead to a relationship, but there’s more to be said on the topic, because women are constantly told they need to better themselves before they will be able find a suitable mate. I don’t know about you, but all of that unnecessary pressure feels stressful to me.

But here’s what I know to be true: inner work, personal development, a faith walk, spirituality, whatever you want to call it, is a lifelong path that doesn’t end. If you’re committed to it, there will always be work to do on yourself. The more you experience life, the deeper and further you will go on your path, and love can happen in the midst of it.

As a Love coach, my job is to give you the tools, shine the light, point the way, support and hold space for you to do the work. But I’m not going to tell you how to be just perfect so that somebody will love you. Nobody can give you that, I hope you understand.

So if you’re waiting to get to that perfect place or to meet that perfect partner, you can stop waiting because perfect will never come.

Do you believe you need to have it all together before you can have the love you want? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

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