When Nice Guys Go Wrong

January 31, 2014

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I’ve always dated nice guys. The kind of guys that my friends wanted to get to know and hang around. The kind of guys who enjoyed PDA’s while simultaneously giving me enough room and space to breathe and be myself. Even though none of those relationships worked out in the end, I don’t believe any of them were bad people.

But there can be a down side to dating nice guys. When they hurt or deceive you, they are often uncomfortable with taking responsibility for their actions, doing everything they can to deflect your anger or hurt feelings and projecting their relationship missteps on to you.

Women are too trusting of the nice guy, assuming he won’t do or treat you the way other men have in the past. But beware. Nice guys often hurt in ways that cut the deepest.  When a guy is an asshole, and he hurts or breaks up with you on Facebook for example, it hurts but not completely unexpected. But we expect the nice guys to do better, so if he cheats or demonstrates other unsavory behavior, we are surprised and don’t see it coming.

Let me tell you this, even the nice guy must be on a probationary period with you. Meaning, you need time to get to know him, and you must continually observe his character and integrity in action; he does not get a pass for being a nice guy, which is really code language for “he’s not as shitty as the last guy”.

Use this as a reminder to deal with every man according to his measure; don’t make assumptions without allowing yourself to get to know him, I don’t care how nice he is.

“When people show you who they are believe them.” ~Maya Angelou

What’s been your experience with nice guys? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

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