Can Bitches Get Married?

May 9, 2014

Why Can’t Love Ever Go Right?

This past week’s Right Fit Dating event was an absolute blast! It was so great to see many of you in person. But don’t worry if you missed it, I’m hosting one more live event before the summer starts on Monday, May 19th at 6:30PM in NYC. You can get your tickets here and use the promo code BigLove to get a discount.

Summer is the perfect time to get out of your dating rut and meet new men, and I want to make sure you’re ready to do just that. So come out and join us on May 19th, you’re going to love it!

 

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Can Bitches Get Married?

Did you see Tracy McMillan on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday last week? If you don’t know her, Tracy wrote that Huffpo article Why You’re Not Married? In it she outlines all of the reasons why women aren’t married, and one of the main reasons she listed is because you’re a bitch.

Tracy McMillan defines bitch as being a woman who is angry, often has a scowl on her face and isn’t very nice. I don’t think Ms. McMillan is totally off with some of her assumptions, which is why I tuned into the show and have started reading her book. Some of her theories are sure to make your blood boil, but what I like about her perspective is that she ultimately ties it back to making sure your own needs are met and a deeper spiritual healing and connection that needs to take place.

What frustrates me about some of Ms. McMillan’s concepts about relationships, is if you make assumptions about why someone isn’t married, you are inadvertently making assumptions about why someone is. So if you believe that you aren’t married because you’re a bitch, that must mean that no happily married women are bitches?

I don’t know about you, but I know a few bitches who are married. But bitch is just one aspect of her personality, the same as with you. In my opinion this is just one more thing that prevents women from being able to be their full selves in relationships. Because it creates a fear that nobody will love you as you are. Now obviously, if you’re bitchy and mean all the time, especially with men, you probably have much bigger problems and should get some support.

Stop Being a Bitch

The problem with telling women to just stop being bitches and be nice, is the lack of context for how women have been treated in this world. Globally, we’ve been beaten, sexually violated, taken advantage of and treated like second class citizens. I don’t know about you, but that makes me pretty damn angry. The missing Nigerian girls makes me angry. But the minute a woman expresses her anger, the world can’t handle it. She’s told to be nice and just shut the fuck up because men can’t handle it. But what men really can’t handle is seeing their reflection of the collective destruction they have caused as a gender, and they have taken no responsibility for it.

I don’t hold any of this against men, well, not anymore. But today’s woman has to learn how to let herself love and be loved in the greater context that impacts her soul, especially if she’s even a little bit conscious about what’s happening in the world. I don’t believe that all men are violent, I actually believe most men are doing the best they can. But they are going to have to meet us half way if relationships are going to survive.

I’m not telling you to go all bitchy and hold grudges against men, but you’ve got to admit that women as a collective have been under a ton of pressure and stress, and we want to be able to love and be loved in the midst of all of that.

The down side is men don’t have to accept it.

If a man meets a woman who is angry, he can just walk away and pick another woman he deems less angry. He probably believes being with an angry woman will mean fights at home, and nobody in their right mind wants to fight at home after a long day.

This is touching a nerve for me because I used to be very angry, and I had a lot of things to be angry about. I eventually found peace, which I actively work to cultivate and preserve on a daily basis. I let go of the anger because I realized it wasn’t worth it, I was getting stressed out all the time and nobody cared anyway. So I guess you could say that I’ve gotten nicer, but I’m still alert, I’m paying attention to what’s happening to women and girls around the world and I look for constructive ways to fight back, all while loving myself and loving a man in the process.

I don’t have it all figured out, so I’ll be writing more on this topic.

This week I have a couple of questions for you:

1. Are you angry, and how does it affect your relationships with men?

2. Do you know any bitches who have not only gotten married but have stayed happily married?

 

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