Must You Love a Man Around His Fragile Ego?

May 16, 2014

Why Can’t Love Ever Go Right?

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Must You Love A Man Around His Fragile Ego?

Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?

That’s the rhetorical question women are asked anytime they say, act or do something in a way that is seen as contrary to what men want in a wife. But it makes me question everything about the male ego.

I have to be honest, since I started reading Tracy McMillan’s book (which I mentioned last week), I’ve been thinking about all of the women I know intimately who are married. And the truth is most of them are successful in their careers, they have a soft, gentle personality (for the most part), conventionally attractive, got married in their 20’s, defer to their husbands in many ways, and dare I say demure. Now obviously, as well as I know these women I don’t see all of the details behind closed doors, this is what I’ve observed in my friendships with them and how I’ve seen them relate to their husbands.

But what becomes of the 30+ woman who has a bit of a harder edge but still wants to share her life with someone?

I’ve said this many times before, but women are told to do everything they can to be softer, gentler, less angry, to need a man without being needy, have a conventionally beautiful body and be prepared to accept and love him as he is. While men are told…well, I honestly don’t think men are told anything. They show up as they are and see who fits. A Man finds a woman he’s attracted to who is willing to go along with his program, and the relationship starts.

A big part of how most people conceptualize happy relationships is built around the male ego, almost like they are children. This is a big reason why so many women aren’t married. A woman wants to love and be loved, but when she thinks about kowtowing to a man’s ego at home after dealing with an asshole boss all day, she gets exhausted just thinking about it. The same way a man doesn’t want to argue, fight or be nagged when he gets home, is the same way a woman doesn’t want to have to constantly defer to someone else’s wishes and commands if that’s what she had to do all day.

But the difference for men and women is that it’s typically a lot easier for a man to find a woman who will be what he wants, without having to change much of anything about himself than it is for a woman.

For those of us who are the daughters of feminism and the women’s movement, this is the issue of our generation. How to create loving relationships when the woman is tired of changing and the man doesn’t have to change.

I think we could all stand to be a lot gentler and kinder to ourselves and each other, but it might take some time.

Do you believe you have to learn to love a man around his ego? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

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