June 6, 2014
I saw Maleficent last weekend. And while the trailer was very enticing, it left me pleasantly unprepared for the love story that was told.
I’ll try to talk about the movie without giving too much away, but the story was basically a very Hollywood presentation of the stages of a breakup. Maleficent goes from being carefree to falling in love and getting betrayed. Then she goes through the cycle of grief and finally lets go and is free again.
But the message for me was about loving yourself first and not sacrificing who you really are for a man. I’ve seen lots of women, single and married, give up such a big part of themselves to be in a relationship, and it never works in the end. Even if the woman stays in the relationship, she starts to feel trapped and lonely and doesn’t understand why. But because she made a vow and wants to honor it or she doesn’t want to be out there dating again, she stays.
I’m no marriage expert, but ’til death do us part seems like a really long time not to be yourself.
I was reading a dating and relationship book this week, that I’ve been having an awful time trying to plough through. Mainly because the author suggests that women be more of what a man wants in the beginning, and should slowly reveal herself once they enter into a relationship.
What’s interesting about this piece of advice, is one of the things men complain about most is how women change once they get into a relationship. He wonders what happened to the woman who liked his favorite movies and laughed at all his jokes? What men don’t know is that she never existed in the first place, it was simply a role she was playing to win the spot as the main woman in his life.
When it comes to dating and meeting men, I think it’s important to tap into the lighter, fun, more playful side of yourself as a means of accessing your own pleasure, which in turn makes him more attracted to you. Think about what you’re like when you’re on vacation in Jamaica, sipping Pina Coladas at the swim-up bar. You might see a cute guy a few seats down, and smile at him to signal that he should come talk to you. But your top priority in the moment is drinking your Pina Colada and getting some sun i.e. focusing on your own pleasure.
When you’re turned on, having fun and enjoying life, that’s what makes you magnetic! What man in his right mind wouldn’t want to be around you when you’re like that?
Being turned on not only makes you magnetic, but it brings you squarely into the present moment. And when you’re in the moment, you can fully pay attention to the man who’s sitting across from you. You can be fun and flirty and make a genuine connection because you’re present, and not picking out your wedding dress or worried about whether or not he’s going to call you the next day.
Love is the most important thing in the world as far as I’m concerned, and sharing your life with someone is a top priority for most people. But not at the expense of who you really are. Marriage and partnership is one piece of the bigger picture that is your life, your soul’s purpose for walking this earth. But the fastest path to unhappiness and divorce court is being a self-aware woman, trying to live your life completely on someone else’s terms.
Have you ever given up who you really are to be in a relationship? Leave a comment and share your experience.