If it’s Complicated, Cut Him Loose

June 20, 2014

Are You Ready to Date this Summer?

I love summertime in New York City. It’s the perfect time to meet new people, get your flirt on and turn up the heat in your dating life.

If you’ve hit a low point in your love life and need some inspiration and practical tools to kick your dating life into gear, join me live on Monday, June 23rd for a Get Ready for Love event.

I’m having so much fun doing these events, because I get to meet women who read this newsletter and watch transformations happen in people’s love lives. That’s what I’m all about these days, helping you transform how you give and receive love.

If you’re in the NYC area, join me on Monday night for an event not to be missed! You can purchase tickets here.

Hope to see there!

 

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If it’s Complicated, Cut Him Loose

One of the biggest dating red flags is if things are complicated in the beginning.

A few years ago, I had a friend who used to get into arguments with men she was dating around 2-3 weeks into their dating relationship. I tried to be understanding when she would tell me what happened, but I kept thinking “what the hell could there possibly be to argue about after two weeks?”

I’ve heard a lot of complicated dating stories this week, and each one of them, in some form or another, boils down to a few things:

1. why he can’t show up consistently
2. why he won’t take the relationship to the next level
3. why there isn’t more in-person, face-to-face time

So here’s what I’ll say, if it’s complicated and you’re not even in a relationship yet, cut him loose!

In a long-term relationship, there will be plenty of things to disagree and argue about. Even in the most loving, healthy relationships people don’t see eye to eye on everything, and there will be times when things get complicated. But when you first meet someone, that’s supposed to be the simple part.

Notice I did not say easy or effortless, but simple.

When you start dating a man, everything is about spending time and getting to know each other, in person. It doesn’t matter if you met online, if it’s a long distance relationship or if you both work 80 hours a week, every interaction, email and phone call should lead to the next date.

I know we live in an addictive, technological age but anything outside of time spent together is just a simulation of a real relationship. If you desire to get married, you’re talking about living with someone, taking care of them when their sick and having them see the worst parts of your personality, and you mean to tell me you’re not spending regular, consistent time with him?

That’s crazy.

When to Cut Him Loose

Men are usually the ones to keep things simple in a relationship, for better or worse. So if anything he’s telling you or doing feels off or sounds complicated, cut him loose.

This is going to sound harsh, but if a man starts telling you some sad sob story about his life or past relationships, before you’re exclusive, cut him loose. There should be lots of fun, light-hearted, I-can’t-wait-to-see-him energy and curiosity in the beginning. But if the date starts to feel more like a conversation you should be having in your therapist’s office, cut him loose.

Complication in a man’s story is also a sign that he’s lying, hiding something or doesn’t want to be exclusive with you. And here’s the thing about a man who’s lying or deliberately leaving things out, you don’t have to deal with it. Let him live in his diluted, complicated world by himself.

Life has enough hiccups and disappointments all on it’s own, so the last place you want to experience complications is when you start dating someone.

Have you experienced complications while dating? Leave a comment and share your thoughts.

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One Comment

  1. DaMomma says:

    Good discernment when it comes to the three points listed above. We tend to make excuses instead of heeding those warning signs. When our eyes finally open, much time has passed-time that could have been spent in healthier ways alone or with others who truly care.

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