June 27, 2014
The Men Are Talking: love, women, dating and relationships
I am so excited to tell you about the next event I have coming up! On Wednesday, July 9th at 6:30PM, I’m hosting a live panel of men to discuss what they want from women, dating, love and relationships. These men have been hand-selected to discuss the hottest and most important topics and challenges women face in dating and love. I assure you this is not to be missed!
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a little while, you know I take dating and love advice from men with a grain of salt. I never assume that men are the experts on dating, simply because of the perceived inequity between the numbers of women vs men who are looking for love. That being said, women and men need each other to make relationships work, and men are the experts on what they need and want.
I will also say that men have been conditioned to believe certain things about love, women and relationships; they are no less influenced by media than women are. So I want to get to the bottom of all this and I want you to have the opportunity to ask some really great men your burning questions about love, dating and relationships.
Tickets are going fast, so make sure to get yours here!
Hope to see you there!
Do You Know How to Date?
The only reason why I know how to date is because I took stock of all the things I was doing wrong, and decided to stop doing what wasn’t working.
My BIGGEST dating mistake
When I was in my early-mid 20’s, I thought I had everything I needed to meet a great guy. I was young, well-traveled, had a degree from an Ivy League school, independent; I thought I was all set. It made perfect sense that a good man should want to be with me.
But here’s where I missed it:
If a man didn’t see my worth and value, instead of leaving him alone and moving on to the next one, I thought I had to prove my worth, even if he wasn’t right for me. This usually happened when I felt him pulling away or when I realized the relationship wasn’t going to the next level. I’d start to get all weird and boastful, and not in a good way, when I started to feel desperate because a man wasn’t choosing me.
I dated this one guy whose live-in girlfriend had just moved out, but lots of her things were still in his apartment. Little by little she would come and pick up things, but she would go weeks without picking up the rest of her stuff. I wasn’t in love with him or anything, but I was really starting to like him. Then, I got this overwhelming feeling that his relationship with this other woman wasn’t completely over, and that they would try to reconcile at some point.
And that’s exactly what happened.
But before he told me, I would do things to show him my value, as I perceived it. Now, I’m not much of a braggart, but I made sure to talk about my travels in great detail or I allowed him to overhear conversations I had with people I worked with, hoping he would see how smart, efficient and badass I was. And therefore choose me. It became this big performance, and I was practically begging him, in my own way, to love me.
I remember my train-ride home after we broke up, because all I kept thinking about was why he didn’t value me enough to want to be with me? It takes me a while to move through relationships and process break ups, but it hit me like a ton a bricks when I realized what I was doing and why.
Over the last 10 years I’ve discovered something very important: how men show up when they want to be with you and what they do when they don’t, and how stop acting out of a fear that the new man you’re dating is your only shot at love.
That’s why I created The Dating Rules of Engagement©, and it’s what I teach my clients. I use the word “rules” for the sake of flow and simplicity, but what I really mean is a framework for how to date. It’s a framework because some of the specifics about how dating works depends on you and the kind of relationship you want, but the foundation is the same.
The #1 Dating Rule of Engagement
Men show up when they want to be with you. That means he makes his interest clear, and he won’t leave you guessing or wondering about what his intentions are toward you.
Do you know how to date? If not, what do you still need to learn? Leave a comment and share your experience