October 31, 2014
Finding love is random, sustaining it is not.
There was a post on Humans of New York this week, about a woman who was 42 when she met her husband in Central Park, as a result of a $5 bet with her friend. When I shared the story on my Facebook page, a high school classmate of mine told a very sweet story of meeting her husband while setting up his microphone during a community theater production.
I subscribe to a lot of newsletters about dating and love so that I can keep up with what other experts are saying, and I read many blogs filled with questions from people who haven’t met the one yet. Most of the advice is pretty solid, but there’s no accounting for randomness, which is why I get so upset when I read the “you’re-not-doing-it-right” kind of advice. Not doing it right according to who?
Or the “how to understand men” diatribe that makes me want to poke my eyes out. How many married women do you know were focused on understanding men better before they met their spouse? Not many by my count.
According to statistics, 1 out of 5 people meet their spouse online, and while I love online dating as an option, how do the other 4 (the majority) do it? The Wall Street Journal says that meeting a significant other through friends is still the #1 way people meet.
Randomness doesn’t take the search for love completely out of our hands, but it should give you some perspective. You just never know if going to that speed dating event will be the moment you meet him or if it will be that last minute Halloween party you get invited to.
That being said, online dating and going to places where you can actually meet men will certainly increase your odds.
Because finding love and the timing of it is so random, you must live your life and find other things that truly make you happy in the meantime. Not as a replacement for the man you don’t have, but so that you can get the most out of your life as it is right now. Don’t put your happiness and joy on hold. I know how frustrating it can be when you’ve been out there dating and patiently waiting to meet the right person, but don’t let that stop you from living your life.
Now, the other part of this equation is being able to sustain love. You can meet the right person, sure, but are you capable of creating a healthy, loving partnership with someone, that’s the real question? Because no matter how hard it can be to meet the right person, the real work starts after the commitment is made.
If you’re talking about spending the rest of your life being committed to another human being, you’ve got to be able to sustain your sense of self and peace of mind while meshing your world with another human that is sure to stir you and press all of your buttons.
Are you ready for that?
Leave a comment and share your thoughts.