November 7, 2014
And That’s Why You’re Single (ATWYS) wrote an article called How do You Attract the People You Want? And she starts off by saying this:
“Over the years I have come to accept that there are men I will never be able to pull for anything substantive. Those guys have far too many options, and I just don’t bring enough to the table to be considered a contender. That has led me to take second looks at other guys. I’ve had to re-adjust my type. That’s life. If you’re “never” able to get the guys you want, then you’re shooting out of your league. Plain and simple. There’s no easy way to say that. Either that or there are a few critical personality flaws that are turning men off.”
I think she’s right on some level, but there are a lot of layers to consider if you’re trying to date someone “out of your league”.
The problem with dating men “out of your league” is assuming he has it all together and will make a good partner. Focusing on a man’s looks, charisma and bank account makes you think he’ll live up to the fantasy you have in your head of the perfect mate, but he will fall short every time.
The second problem is putting really attractive people on a pedestal. Look, we all know there are women and men who are viewed as more attractive, prettier, thinner, more desirable than the average person. But that’s all we know about them.
This is what I know for sure: we are all equals at the level of the heart.
And you don’t need to look any further than the latest edition of TMZ to know that what I’m saying is true. Some of the most beautiful, conventionally attractive people in the world get cheated on left and right, and can’t hold a relationship together. I read a quote on Facebook a while back that said “For every gorgeous woman or really attractive man, there’s somebody, somewhere who is sick of their shit”.
You would think that with all of that money, fame and good looks, that love in Hollywood would last, but it doesn’t.
When you give power to money, success and good looks, it rules. I know being conventionally attractive brings people under it’s spell, unknowingly sometimes, I’m not an idiot. But it’s up to you to determine it’s meaning and value. The only thing you know about a really attractive, wealthy guy is that he’s really attractive and wealthy. You might make some inferences based on those qualities such as: he’s smart, takes good care of himself, a hard worker, etc…but that tells you absolutely nothing about what he’s capable of in a relationship. Just because he has a lot of money doesn’t mean he’s generous. If he takes good care of himself, he might not necessarily treat you that way.
But the heart of the matter is when you meet someone who is really attractive and appears to have it all, it forces you to call into question your looks and value as a woman. But here’s the thing, really hot guys don’t necessarily have the right values.
Do you get that?
You assume men know what they’re doing when they go for the hottest woman in the room, and you have a lot of pre-conceived notions about what it means to be the hottest woman in the room.
When all of these misconceptions, lack of understanding and pedestal-making collides, you have created a deeply imbedded belief that certain men are better than you and out of your league, so that’s how you act. You’re not dating the perfect 10 because you can’t handle a 10.
With all that being said, that doesn’t mean that the perfect 10 is going to ask you out, but hopefully now that you have a better understanding of the situation, you won’t feel so rejected by it.
Levels of attractiveness and “dating out of your league” are significant parts of the love equation, and this topic needs more attention. I’d love to know what you thin, so leave a comment and share your thoughts.